Just another Friday night in St. Petersburg … some puritanical asshole gets his or her panties in a wad, and someone gets arrested:
The night started with a complaint about a giant penis statue.
Before it was over, police had pinned the owner of the art gallery to the ground and taken him to jail.
“Oh, my God,” said gallery owner Bill Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. “This is the city’s response to a penis. That’s fabulous.”
Officers arrested Schramm and another man after a raid Friday night on the Erotic Lounge in the Grand Central District of St. Petersburg. It wasn’t the statue that they were arrested for.
Instead, investigators said they saw a nude man in the gallery, a violation of a city ordinance that prohibits places that serve alcohol from allowing the public display of genitals.
The gallery’s show on Friday included a cypress penis statue larger than a person in front of the gallery. Schramm said he installed it there about 5 p.m.
Sometime during the evening, police received a complaint about the statue. A St. Petersburg police officer stopped by, told Schramm it was pornographic and told him to take it inside. He refused, saying it was art.
Later that evening, the show was still going on when police converged on the shop. As Schramm was talking to a St. Petersburg Times reporter about the statue, Sgt. Joe Collins dashed inside. Schramm put his hand up to stop him and tried to hold the door closed, police said.
In an instant, officers tackled Schramm, forcing him to the ground and cuffing his hands behind his back.
Officers sat him on a chair under the gallery’s overhang while they searched the shop and detained the customers, telling them there was a liquor violation and asking to see identification.
Schramm, 46, was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and violating the city ordinance.
Inside, police found a nude man, Joshua M. Culotta, suspended from the ceiling in an aerial harness that Schramm earlier called a “chandelier.”
“He was in plain view,” said Collins, the investigating sergeant.
Officers said they arrested Culotta, 26, for violating the city ordinance. The man, who is deaf, seemed confused and told a reporter, “I was just modeling.” As officers handcuffed him, he started to cry.
“He’ll be okay. Misdemeanor charge,” an officer told one of the man’s friends.
The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.
I’m sure glad the city of St. Petersburg is looking out for our morality rather than, you know, paying attention to actual crime.
The arrests might not have been directly attributable to the display of a giant penis statue, but there seems to be little doubt that the St. Pete police wouldn’t have had their suspicions, um, aroused had the big dick not been on the street in the first place. (No, I’m not talking about Jim Naugle … this time.)
Sadly, the St. Pete police are developing quite a reputation for aggressiveness. Whether it’s destroying the property of homeless people or, as here, freaking out over an artistic display, you have to wonder exactly what kind of training the Department is providing.
Final thought: “Giant Penis Statue” would be a good band name …