Obama returns to Florida tomorrow

Barack Obama will speak tomorrow in a town hall-style meeting at Gibbs High School in St. Petersburg.

The visit to Pinellas County comes as the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee is ramping up what could be the largest voter mobilization campaign Florida has seen from a Democrat, including opening a sprawling campaign office in St. Petersburg on Wednesday and in Clearwater on Tuesday.

Doors open at 8:30 a.m. Friday for the event at Gibbs High School, 850 34th St. S. Admission is free and open to the public, but tickets are required.

Tickets will be available first-come, first-served from 5 to 7 p.m. today at the St. Petersburg campaign office, 2321 Central Ave. Adults will be allotted a maximum of two tickets each and children younger than 16 will be allotted one.

If you’re close enough, go. You won’t regret it … especially since Huggy Bear will be in Florida (predictably) at the same time, in Orlando and Panama City.

Beware the Scary Penis™!!

Just another Friday night in St. Petersburg … some puritanical asshole gets his or her panties in a wad, and someone gets arrested:

The night started with a complaint about a giant penis statue.

Before it was over, police had pinned the owner of the art gallery to the ground and taken him to jail.

“Oh, my God,” said gallery owner Bill Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. “This is the city’s response to a penis. That’s fabulous.”

Officers arrested Schramm and another man after a raid Friday night on the Erotic Lounge in the Grand Central District of St. Petersburg. It wasn’t the statue that they were arrested for.

Instead, investigators said they saw a nude man in the gallery, a violation of a city ordinance that prohibits places that serve alcohol from allowing the public display of genitals.

The gallery’s show on Friday included a cypress penis statue larger than a person in front of the gallery. Schramm said he installed it there about 5 p.m.

Sometime during the evening, police received a complaint about the statue. A St. Petersburg police officer stopped by, told Schramm it was pornographic and told him to take it inside. He refused, saying it was art.

Later that evening, the show was still going on when police converged on the shop. As Schramm was talking to a St. Petersburg Times reporter about the statue, Sgt. Joe Collins dashed inside. Schramm put his hand up to stop him and tried to hold the door closed, police said.

In an instant, officers tackled Schramm, forcing him to the ground and cuffing his hands behind his back.

Officers sat him on a chair under the gallery’s overhang while they searched the shop and detained the customers, telling them there was a liquor violation and asking to see identification.

Schramm, 46, was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and violating the city ordinance.

Inside, police found a nude man, Joshua M. Culotta, suspended from the ceiling in an aerial harness that Schramm earlier called a “chandelier.”

“He was in plain view,” said Collins, the investigating sergeant.

Officers said they arrested Culotta, 26, for violating the city ordinance. The man, who is deaf, seemed confused and told a reporter, “I was just modeling.” As officers handcuffed him, he started to cry.

“He’ll be okay. Misdemeanor charge,” an officer told one of the man’s friends.

The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.

I’m sure glad the city of St. Petersburg is looking out for our morality rather than, you know, paying attention to actual crime.

The arrests might not have been directly attributable to the display of a giant penis statue, but there seems to be little doubt that the St. Pete police wouldn’t have had their suspicions, um, aroused had the big dick not been on the street in the first place. (No, I’m not talking about Jim Naugle … this time.)

Sadly, the St. Pete police are developing quite a reputation for aggressiveness. Whether it’s destroying the property of homeless people or, as here, freaking out over an artistic display, you have to wonder exactly what kind of training the Department is providing.

Final thought: “Giant Penis Statue” would be a good band name …

Desperation in the air

Desperate for some kind of hook, something that will keep 2008 from being an epic, prodigious electoral failure for them, Republicans are emptying their bags of dirty tricks faster than they can think of them.

Facing almost certain electoral carnage against Rep. Robert Wexler (D-Fla.), Republican candidate Edward Lynch went on The O’Reilly Factor yesterday to air his claim that Wexler’s address in Delray Beach is fraudulent.

“Is it not a ruse?” host Bill O’Reilly asked John Fund, author of Stealing Elections: How Voter Fraud Threatens Our Democracy.

Fund said it is not illegal for Wexler to use his mother-in-law’s address, which is in a deed-restricted community for people 55 and over. But that it certainly is not within “the spirit of the law,” he said.

“In the next few months, (Wexler) might want to shop around for a little garden apartment in Delray Beach,” Fund said.

Edward Lynch, a Republican running for Wexler’s congressional seat, has been researching Wexler’s living arrangements and took his argument to the Fox News program.

“The house he lists on his voter registration is his in-laws’ house, in a gated 55-and-older community,” Lynch said. “Legally, he can’t move back with children under 18.”

Lynch said Wexler’s three teenage children attend Charles W. Smith Jewish Day School in Rockville, Md.

A Fox News reporter surprised Wexler in his Maryland front yard.

Wexler, wearing shorts, a T-shirt and a ball cap, said his mother-in-law does own the house in Delray Beach. But he also said he lives there.

“Yes, it is my residence,” Wexler said.

A spokesman for Wexler denounced the accusations.

“Congressman Wexler moved to Florida when he was 10 years old and he has continually met Florida’s residency requirements ever since,” spokesman Josh Rogin wrote in an e-mail. “As members of Congress have since the founding of the nation, he also keeps a home in the Washington area so his wife and three children can be with him while he serves in Congress.”

Lynch said he intends to file legal papers about the issue in the coming weeks.

Yeah, good luck with that, Ed. You’re not even going to get in the courthouse door with that load of crap. Find me a member of Congress who doesn’t maintain a home in the D.C. area, Ed. At least among those whose actual home districts are too far from Washington to commute, you can’t find one. But, you know, take your claim to the propagandists at Fox News and they’ll put you on teevee, so everyone can see just how foolish you are. Even the hand-picked wingnut pundit said what Wexler’s doing isn’t illegal.

It’s fun to watch Republicans squirm.

GOP: unable to distinguish between their asses and a hole in the ground

Do you need more that Republicans are the most deceptive and craven people on Earth?

In a move at least politically reminiscent of Drunky McStagger‘s response to 9/11, when he sent our troops to Iraq after we were attacked by a bunch of Saudi nationals led by a guy hiding in Afghanistan, the Florida Republican Party is reacting to an electoral challenge to one of their stars by pouring money into … a completely different race altogether.

Republican officials are targeting Democratic state Sen. Dave Aronberg in retaliation for Democrats’ once-high-profile race against incoming Senate President Jeff Atwater.

“I’ve made it very clear that there was a decision to go after the leadership of our party, and our response on the Republican side was to aggressively go after some of the Democrats in their seats,” said Jim Greer, chairman of the Republican Party of Florida.

He wouldn’t say what races the party was targeting, and specifically declined to comment on the Aronberg race.

But, months before the November election, GOP officials have paid for four negative mailers and television ads attacking Aronberg’s voting record.

The revenge campaign is the result of Democrat Skip Campbell, a former state senator from Broward County, challenging Atwater in his Senate District 25 reelection race. Campbell has since dropped out and been replaced by virtual unknown Linda Bird, a Democratic activist from Fort Lauderdale.

The ads say Aronberg voted against property tax relief and nursing homes for veterans, among other things.

One of the ads features a picture of Aronberg’s opponent, Matt Caldwell, as a youngster holding a dead squirrel in one hand and a gun in the other. It says Caldwell, 26, will fight against “liberals trying to take away our freedoms” and “our God-given right to bear arms.”

Oh, yeah, I remember that passage in the Bible when Jesus turned the water into guns.

By the way, this may be the first time that a dead squirrel ever has appeared in a campaign ad. I think it’s a metaphor for Caldwell’s chances against Aronberg … plus it has the added benefit of pissing off both the gun control types and the animal rights activists. Way to cram your heads up your asses yet again, Republicans.

So, with Skip Campbell dropping out, there’s not even a serious challenger to Atwater anymore. Yet the Republicans’ political bloodlust, like their lust for war and killing, cannot be quenched.

Put more succinctly:

• If the Republicans had been in charge on December 7, 1941, we would have gone to war against Australia.
• If today’s Republicans had been around in April of 1865 after Lincoln’s assassination, they would have chased down Gen. George B. McClellan.
• If a Republican had written Hamlet, Laertes would have killed Rosencrantz and/or Guildenstern.

You see, for Republicans, it’s not about doing the right thing for the state or the country. It’s all about getting even. And that’s basically why we’re in the mess we’re in today.

You had to know it would be in Florida

I saw the picture before I saw the location, and I just knew …

A billboard on display in Orange County, Florida shows the World Trade Center towers burning while telling passers-by: “Please Don’t Vote for a Democrat.” The local ABC News affiliate reports that the person responsible is a local musician “trying to help Republicans” but that “officials with both political parties are calling the billboard inappropriate.”

Who’s the “local musician?”

The man behind the billboard is Mike Meehan, a St. Cloud businessman and musician. His website advertises a CD and music video titled “The Republican Song,” with the chorus, “Don’t vote for a Democrat.” He’s selling CDs for $5.

“This is a blatant exploitation of that terrible tragedy for political and, perhaps even worse, personal gain,” said Bill Robinson, Orange County Democratic Party Chair.

Orange County Democrats are calling for the billboard to come down and the local Republican Party has said the ad is “inappropriate.” Meehan hadn’t returned Channel 9 calls or e-mails Monday afternoon, but some are defending his right to free speech.

“They can have their opinion. It’s a free country, if they want to pay for the ad. I’m sure it’s expensive,” resident Louis Champeau told Eyewitness News.

Well, fuck you, Meehan. You’re an idiot and a fearmonger — perfect for the GOP. Enjoy hell, you opportunistic attention whore.

UPDATE (2:16 pm 7/15/08): I’ve just been told that in addition to being an idiot and a fearmonger, Meehan evidently also is a Canadian. Not that there’s anything wrong with that especially, but do you Republicans really want to take electoral advice from a foreigner?!

(h/t Eschaton commenter mrs. ibrahim al-jafaari)

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Marion Hammer

Who, you may ask, is Marion Hammer?

She’s the past president of the National Rifle Association. Think of her, basically, as the grande dame of right-wing gun nuts. And she’s got her panties twisted in a knot because of all the companies that are declaring themselves exempt from the Stupidest Law on Earth.

Georgia Pacific told its 1,000 workers in Palatka that the Department of Homeland Security is the reason its employees are prohibited from bringing guns to work, said Jeremy Alexander, a company spokesman.

Marion Hammer, past national president of the National Rifle Association, said the exemption is “ludicrous,” adding “they cut down trees and make toilet paper.”

But Alexander said, “It doesn’t have anything to do with our products.”

The explanation for the homeland security exemption is that the plant receives large amounts of oil, which are brought in by barge up the St. Johns River into Rice Creek, he said. Palatka is about 50 miles southwest of Jacksonville.

That means the plant is subject to the Maritime Security Act and its facility security plan, which bans guns at the plant and in the parking lot. The plan is approved by the Department of Homeland Security, he said.

The company sent out an internal memo on July 1, reminding employees of its weapons policies, the same day a new state law went into effect allowing most employees to keep their weapons in their cars, although there are several exemptions.

“We’ve had a policy for several years,” Alexander said. “This is nothing new.”

Alexander said several other Georgia Pacific facilities in the state are not exempt from the new law.

But Hammer said their explanation is wrong.

“Toilet paper does not come before the Second Amendment,” said Hammer, referring to the U.S. Constitution’s protection of gun ownership.

Are you willfully this ignorant, Ms. Hammer, or were you born that way? As Mr. Alexander pointed out, Georgia Pacific’s exemption has nothing to do with the products they manufacture. In fact, the law you’re so desperately trying to defend actually has nothing to do with the Second Amendment.

I’m going to assume you’re not a lawyer, Ms. Hammer (if you are, you’re an egregiously stupid one), so I’ll spell it out for you: federal law trumps state law. It’s called pre-emption. And what it means is that the state law allowing guns at the workplace (the Stupidest Law on Earth) is pre-empted, or nullified, by the contradictory federal law — the Maritime Security Act — which says no guns. C’mon, now — I thought you wingnuts loved the Homeland Security Department! What — you mean you only love them when their rules benefit you and your twisted worldview? Now, that’s hardly fair, is it?

But Ms. Hammer wants to stretch her already ridiculous strawman to the point of absurdity.

“These corporate giants have no respect for the constitution. They have no respect for their employees and they obviously don’t care about safety of their employees,” said Marion Hammer, NRA.

[…]

“For crying out loud, they [Georgia Pacific] cut down trees and they make toilet paper and that’s homeland security? Excuse me, the lives of the hardworking men and women at that plant are far more important than toilet paper,” Hammer said.

Ms. Hammer raises the common fallacy shared by all the firearm fanatics: that having guns somehow makes you safer. Once again, because she’s so dense, I’ll explain it: this action has nothing to do with toilet paper — or with employees’ lives. It’s a simple matter of federal law pre-empting state law — nothing more. And, Ms. Hammer, if you think having a gun locked up in your car somehow protects you when you’re at work, well, you’re even dumber than you already appear.

Georgia Pacific joins Disney and Universal Studios, who claim exemptions based on an explosives permit and a public school, respectively, in telling the wingnut Florida Legislature to fuck off. And pretty soon, when the law is declared unconstitutional, we won’t have to listen to the gun-nut idiots at all … at least about the Stupidest Law on Earth.

In the meantime, though, Marion Hammer, you can crow about your latest honor, because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Prediction: Democratic landslide victory

Perhaps I’m putting too much stock in anecdotal evidence. But it is nice to look forward to an election for once.

I was in a store in the heart of blood-red America’s Taint™ (the Florida panhandle) today, wearing my Obama ’08 T-shirt. A gentleman not too much older than I spotted me and said, smiling, “Nice shirt! Vote early and often!”

“I’m doing my best,” I said, returning the smile.

“Please do,” the man replied. “My son’s in the Army.”

I stopped short and looked him in the eye. “We’ll bring him home,” I vowed.

We need to bring them all home. And the best way to do that is to elect as many Democrats — preferably of the progressive variety — as possible. For the soldiers. For their families. For America.

"G-U-N … see you real soon!"

As reported here last week, Disney is telling the state of Florida that they’re exempt from the state law permitting gun owners to bring their weapons to work. And some of the workers are, well, up in arms about it. (Yes, pun intended.)

But within the section concerning those who deal with explosives is an exemption for an “employer who has obtained a permit required under 18 U.S.C. § 842 to engage in the business of importing, manufacturing, or dealing in explosive materials on such property.”

Said Suarez: “We have the permit. We deal in explosives every day.”

But the NRA’s chief state lobbyist, Marion Hammer, said the exemption should be read in the context of those employers whose “primary” business is explosives.

“Disney is a prime offender in denying people their rights under the Second Amendment and the laws of Florida,” said Hammer, adding that the law was drafted in response to Disney firing an employee for having a gun in his car.

Now Attorney General Bill McCollum, whose office is tasked with enforcement, must interpret what it all means. Spokeswoman Sandi Copes said the office is still reviewing the case and the legislation.

Until and unless McCollum sides with Fiore or someone successfully sues to stop Disney, employees are being told to keep the firearms at home.

Disney security guard Edwin Sotomayor protested his employer’s policy by announcing to the news media last week that he would lawfully bring his weapon in his car to work. He was promptly fired. Sotomayor, 36, said it was worth it to “prove a point” and pave the way for the numerous other employees who keep their mouths shut about the guns they have in their cars.

He said the Orlando area’s crime rate makes pistol-packing a must for many.

“If you’re going to let the Mouse rule the world, it’s not worth it,” he said. “There are two worlds: the world of Disney, and the real world. This was for the real world. It can be scary.”

Fiore is among those who worry. But while she appreciates the attempt to give her the right to protect her life, she said she doesn’t want to lose her livelihood by bringing a weapon onto Disney property.

“I’m not going to make a point and get fired,” she said. “But if I need protection to and from work, it’s my constitutional right.”

Yep, that’s the answer. Carry guns to work. I mean, having guns readily available to every rent-a-cop and soccer mom in America sure has kept the crime rate down …

I hate to bring it to the NRA’s attention, but their interpretation is all well and good … and wrong. The Legislature could have written the statute to cover only those businesses whose “primary” business is explosives, but they didn’t. In fact, the original bill did say that, but the Legislature changed it to cover businesses with federal explosives licenses — to make the exemption broader. Therefore, the legislative intent is clear and indeed the final version of the bill, which became law, evinced their desire NOT to limit the exemption to businesses primarily engaged in the explosives business.

Of course, the problem is that we have to rely on one of the batshit craziest wingnuts in Florida, Bill McCollum, to make a ruling on this. Hopefully even he can’t ignore legislative intent in this case … but I’m holding my breath that he’ll do the legal and correct thing.

I don’t know which wingnuts are the most rabid, but the Second Amendment crazies are definitely finalists for that award. They’re motivated solely by fear, and that permeates their entire world view. How sad. How pathetic. How batshit crazy.

Simply disgusting: Black Republican group claims MLK was one of them

Are there no depths to which Republicans will not stoop? A group called the National Black Republican Association (motto: “Proudly defining ‘self-loathing’ since 2005”) is putting up billboards around Florida declaring that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was a Republican.

“These guys never give up, do they?” said Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with King. “Lord have mercy.”

Seven billboards have gone up in six Florida counties, and another in Orangeburg, S.C., said Frances Rice, the group’s chairwoman. Part of the group’s mission is to highlight what she said is the Democratic Party’s racist past.

“I knew the King family well. We were all Republicans,” said Rice, 64. “There was no way Dr. King would have wanted to be in the party of the Ku Klux Klan.”

Her assertion angered state Rep. Joe Gibbons, a Democrat who chairs the Florida Legislative Black Caucus.

“Nobody knew who was leading the Ku Klux Klan, they had sheets over their heads. Was she at the cross burning meetings?” Gibbons said with a disgust that was just as strong when he talked about the billboards. “To make a statement like that is ridiculous. To make a claim without presenting proof is bogus.”

The King Center in Atlanta says there is no proof that King was ever a Republican. Rice stands by her claim. She said she was asked by The King Center to take down the billboards, but she refused.

“I said, ‘If you want us to stop, sue us.’ But they don’t want to come into court because they know they’ll have to tell the truth,” Rice said.

Hmmm … a group of apparently psychotic black Republicans led by a black woman named Rice? Nah, couldn’t be …. could it?

Anyway, the King family is similarly offended by the hypocritical and demonstrably false message of this self-hate group:

In “The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.,” which was published after his death from his written material and records, King called the Republican national convention that nominated Goldwater a “frenzied wedding … of the KKK and the radical right.”

“The Republican Party geared its appeal and program to racism, reaction, and extremism,” King said in the book.

In a statement released through the King Center, Martin Luther King III said, “It is disingenuous to imply that my father was a Republican. He never endorsed any presidential candidate, and there is certainly no evidence that he ever even voted for a Republican. It is even more outrageous to suggest that he would support the Republican Party of today, which has spent so much time and effort trying to suppress African American votes in Florida and many other states.”

And here I thought flying the world’s largest Confederate flag could be the worst Florida could offer. It makes me sick to my stomach that anyone could be so crass, so craven, so cretinous as to suggest that Dr. King could support the lying bunch of criminals and warmongers who currently represent the Republican Party.

But I thought gay marriage wasn’t legal in Florida!

I keed, I keed … but I couldn’t resist just a little snark about this somewhat surprising news.

Florida governor Charlie Crist, heretofore a “confirmed bachelor,” has announced his engagement to his girlfriend of nine months, Carole Rome.

“She’s special in every way. She’s brilliant, beautiful and sweet. I’m very, very lucky,” Crist told the St. Petersburg Times in an exclusive interview.

Crist said he picked out the sapphire and diamond ring on Wednesday at the Gold and Diamond Center in St. Petersburg’s Northeast Shopping Center.

No date has been set for the wedding, but Crist, 51, said it would be in St. Petersburg, where he is a member of First United Methodist Church. There probably also will be a reception in Tallahassee.

[…]

“We’ve talked about it quite awhile,” said Crist, who proposed to Rome, 38, on Thursday morning in his Bayfront Tower condominium in St. Petersburg.

“God bless her, she said yes,” said Crist. “What better place to do it than the ‘Burg,” said Crist, who said his parents were “ecstatic.”

Rome is a 1992 honors graduate of Georgetown University who became president of her family’s 100-year-old Halloween costume business in 2000 when her father died. She has two daughters, ages 11 and 9, with former husband Todd Rome of New York, CEO of Blue Star Jets. She moved to Fisher Island in Miami in 2006.

Now, far be it from me to speculate on any motive for Crist’s election-year marriage other than True Love. But I will tell you this: when I just now told my friend that Crist was getting married, she shot back, “To a man or a woman?”

Oh, regarding motives? Well, it would be irresponsible not to speculate …

And his engagement is likely to reverberate well beyond Florida because the popular governor is widely viewed as a contender to be likely Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s running mate. Not since Franklin Pierce picked William King to be his running mate in 1852 has America had a bachelor vice president.

Rome will join Crist on a 12-day trip through London, Paris, Normandy and St. Petersburg, Russia, that leaves July 11. The trip is described as a “business development mission for Florida’s aviation, defense and climate change sectors.”

Well, I’ll just set aside cynical skepticism for the moment to wish mazel tov to the happy couple. And I’m sure Huggy Bear already is making plans to be at the wedding …

UPDATE (1:25 pm 7/4/08): Thanks to an unnamed source close to the happy couple, I’ve received exclusive permission to share this rarely-seen photo of them with you.

Once again, congratulations!

(h/t D.P. in Comments)