Bonus schadenfreude: Sen. Asshole (R-Alaska) is indicted

Pity I already used up my Daily Schadenfreude award for today. Because this one beats almost any schadenfreude I’ve ever featured on this sucky blog.

The Biggest Asshole in Congress™, Sen. Ted Stevens (right), was indicted today on seven counts of fraud, federal charges related to renovations of his Alaska home. This comes two days shy of one year after federal agents raided his home as the investigation into Stevens’ alleged wrongdoing got underway.

The Justice Department announced the charges at a news conference Tuesday afternoon. The document says that, from the spring of 1999 through the late summer of 2007, Mr. Stevens failed to report “things of value” that he received in connection with his home in the ski resort city of Girdwood, about 40 miles south of Anchorage.

Prosecutors say Mr. Stevens, who referred to his home as “the chalet,” accepted goods and services worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, ranging from an outdoor grill to extensive home remodeling and architectural advice. Not only did Mr. Stevens fail to report the items on his Senate financial disclosure form, as required, but he took active steps to conceal the receipt of the goods and services, the indictment says.

All the charges are felonies. Justice Department officials declined to discuss how long a prison term a conviction on the charges might bring, noting that the maximum sentences allowed by law are rarely imposed. Mr. Stevens was in Washington on Tuesday, and was allowed to turn himself in for paperwork processing.

Geez, another Republican engaging in criminal activity? No one could have predicted that …

But seeing Sen. Stevens ruined is sweet schadenfreude indeed. I don’t say this just because I love to laugh at the misfortunes of Republicans generally — no, you see, I am elated because Sen. Stevens is truly a despicable human being, someone whom I’ve personally met and found to be totally abhorrent and unpleasant in every way.

So, see? — sometimes bad things really do happen to bad people … and this one is well-deserved, indeed.

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Allen West

This is terrific.

Allen West, the crazed wingnut challenging Rep. Ron Klein (D-Fla.) in my own district, Florida’s 22nd, was named Worst Person in the World by Keith Olbermann on his Countdown show on MSNBC yesterday. Click on this image to view the video (unfortunately, it can’t be embedded):

For the video-challenged among you, here’s a transcript of the pertinent part:

And our winner, Florida Republican congressional hopeful, retired Army lieutenant colonel Allen West.

A guest booker from a TV network tried to get him to come on a show and talk about the increase of violence in Afghanistan. But since West had not been to Afghanistan in eight months, he saw through their smokescreen … he knew what they were really planning on doing: kidnapping him.

[Said West,] “My B.S. flag really went up when they said they wanted my address to pick me up at night.” The network which asked him to come on? Al-Jazeera. “I was not about to be a puppet,” he says, for a network, quote, “which has helped torment our men and women in uniform.”

Col. West evidently does not know that past guests of Al-Jazeera include Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff and some guy named John McCain.

We have no idea if Col. West has won any medals for paranoia.

Republican Florida congressional candidate Allen “A TV Network Plans to Kidnap Me” West: today’s Worst Person in the World!

Well, of course, West has virtually no chance to defeat Ron Klein in November. But, at least now we know that if he somehow managed the colossal upset, he would have plenty of company with all the other batshit crazy Republicans in Congress.

And, Col. West, beside your Worst Person in the World award on your mantel, you can add one more honor … because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

An historic first

I believe yesterday marked the first time that the subject of a Daily Schadenfreude post actually commented on that post.

Thanks for your input, Ed. Next time, though, put down the Wild Turkey first, okay? I have no idea what you were ranting about …

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Ed Heeney

Well, this is just too fucking bad.

Right-wing nutjob Ed Heeney, who is perhaps best known for his anti-gay rants on The Daily Show in 2004 (see below), was passed over for the GOP nomination in Florida’s 27th Senate District, a seat currently held by Democrat (and my Facebook friend) Dave Aronberg. And poor, trod-upon Ed is calling shenanigans on the Republican Party.

“My party betrayed me,” Heeney said Tuesday. “They decided to put a spoiler from the west coast on the day of the deadline.”

District 27 encompasses both coasts.

“I’m not stupid enough to split a vote in a primary and then get the east coast fighting against the west coast,” Heeney said.

But he said he would have been the stronger candidate against Aronberg.

“I don’t have any clue what the hell (Caldwell) stuck his nose in for,” Heeney said. “This kid, he’s going to get flipped around like a biscuit. He won’t get 42 percent. It’s a waste of time.”

[…]

“If I investigate and find out certain contingency of people suckered me into dropping out, I will put the flag up, and there will be some noise flying on every talk show,” Heeney said. “I’m going to unload 162 poems on society on five Web pages at once simultaneously.”

Aronberg was surprised that Heeney dropped out but said he already was expecting to face Caldwell in the general election.

Obviously, Heeney is pretty unhinged. Can you blame local Republicans for booting Heeney from the race? Granted, the Republican candidate, whether Heeney or Caldwell, wasn’t likely to oust Aronberg, a popular, Harvard-educated incumbent who at the tender age of 37 is likely to be a force in Florida politics for years to come. But if you’re the GOP in a year when you already face historic electoral losses at all levels of government (this is me playing the world’s smallest violin), do you want to have as your standard-bearer in a tough race someone who says things like Heeney has?

Ed Heeney says he’s not homophobic, just “homo-nausic.”

Heeney, a Republican candidate for state representative in Palm Beach County’s District 88 [in 2004], has been complaining about “militant” homosexuals and their influence in American culture. He says he’s just “sick of the bastards.”

Heeney’s antics landed him an appearance on Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” on Aug. 2[, 2004].

During the segment, Heeney said he was “sick of the influx of homosexual culture,” according to Matt O’Brien, producer of the “Daily Show.” Heeney also complained about the proliferation of lesbian bars in Fort Lauderdale, saying it had hindered his ability to shoot pool, O’Brien said.

[…]

Heeney says lesbians are “more militant than gay men.” He then referred to a bad experience he had a couple of years ago while playing pool against a lesbian team.

At the time, Heeney was a member of the Gold Coast Pool League, which organizes matches between bars and nightclubs. He was playing for Brownies Bar, which he described as “an industrial downtown redneck bar.” Heeney’s team was playing against J’s bar, a local lesbian establishment.

“Being a farmer, it was an interesting culture clash to observe,” Heeney said.

Things soon turned ugly, he said. Heeney claims a “semi-straight white male” on J’s team tried to burn his hand with a cigarette. Heeney then knocked the cigarette out of the man’s hand with a cue stick, he said. According to Heeney, the lesbians then “ganged up” on him.

The incident inspired Heeney to write a “17-page treatise” on lesbians making it difficult for straight men to play pool in a pool league, Heeney said.

“They’re trying to take over the pool league by intimidation,” Heeney said.

Heeney says the lesbian insurgency has also left him behind the eight ball in his love life. He says it’s hard to find straight women to date in South Florida, and when he does manage to persuade a gal to go out with him, she ends up being hit on by a lesbian.

“Everywhere I go, if I have a good-looking girl with me, she ends up being hit on by a cow,” Heeney said.

Epic fail, as the kids say … I mean, what a fucking idiot. (See below for video clip.)

What is it with the nutjob homophobes and closet cases in Fort Lauderdale*? If there’s a more ridiculous, creepy pair of shitbags out there than Feeney and Jim Naugle, I’d prefer not to meet them, thank you very much.

So, the GOP abandoned an obvious idiot, whose more recent deranged rants (unrelated to gay culture) you can catch on YouTube if you want to kill some brain cells. Good riddance, say I. But, hey, Ed, at least you can console yourself with one small honor, because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

UPDATE (2:21 pm 7/16/08): Heeney’s Blogger profile notes that his interests include “finding a straight white girl in South Florida that wants to rock the world” and that he claims to have appeared in the feature films Wild Things, There’s Something About Mary, Holy Man, and Out of Sight. Just thought I’d bring that to your attention …

Also, I found the Daily Show clip:

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* Actually, although the pool-playing incident occurred in Fort Lauderdale, Heeney lives in Boynton Beach. So do I. This presents me with a dilemma: if I ever run into the guy, do I cockpunch him or merely mock him mercilessly? Decisions, decisions …

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Marion Hammer

Who, you may ask, is Marion Hammer?

She’s the past president of the National Rifle Association. Think of her, basically, as the grande dame of right-wing gun nuts. And she’s got her panties twisted in a knot because of all the companies that are declaring themselves exempt from the Stupidest Law on Earth.

Georgia Pacific told its 1,000 workers in Palatka that the Department of Homeland Security is the reason its employees are prohibited from bringing guns to work, said Jeremy Alexander, a company spokesman.

Marion Hammer, past national president of the National Rifle Association, said the exemption is “ludicrous,” adding “they cut down trees and make toilet paper.”

But Alexander said, “It doesn’t have anything to do with our products.”

The explanation for the homeland security exemption is that the plant receives large amounts of oil, which are brought in by barge up the St. Johns River into Rice Creek, he said. Palatka is about 50 miles southwest of Jacksonville.

That means the plant is subject to the Maritime Security Act and its facility security plan, which bans guns at the plant and in the parking lot. The plan is approved by the Department of Homeland Security, he said.

The company sent out an internal memo on July 1, reminding employees of its weapons policies, the same day a new state law went into effect allowing most employees to keep their weapons in their cars, although there are several exemptions.

“We’ve had a policy for several years,” Alexander said. “This is nothing new.”

Alexander said several other Georgia Pacific facilities in the state are not exempt from the new law.

But Hammer said their explanation is wrong.

“Toilet paper does not come before the Second Amendment,” said Hammer, referring to the U.S. Constitution’s protection of gun ownership.

Are you willfully this ignorant, Ms. Hammer, or were you born that way? As Mr. Alexander pointed out, Georgia Pacific’s exemption has nothing to do with the products they manufacture. In fact, the law you’re so desperately trying to defend actually has nothing to do with the Second Amendment.

I’m going to assume you’re not a lawyer, Ms. Hammer (if you are, you’re an egregiously stupid one), so I’ll spell it out for you: federal law trumps state law. It’s called pre-emption. And what it means is that the state law allowing guns at the workplace (the Stupidest Law on Earth) is pre-empted, or nullified, by the contradictory federal law — the Maritime Security Act — which says no guns. C’mon, now — I thought you wingnuts loved the Homeland Security Department! What — you mean you only love them when their rules benefit you and your twisted worldview? Now, that’s hardly fair, is it?

But Ms. Hammer wants to stretch her already ridiculous strawman to the point of absurdity.

“These corporate giants have no respect for the constitution. They have no respect for their employees and they obviously don’t care about safety of their employees,” said Marion Hammer, NRA.

[…]

“For crying out loud, they [Georgia Pacific] cut down trees and they make toilet paper and that’s homeland security? Excuse me, the lives of the hardworking men and women at that plant are far more important than toilet paper,” Hammer said.

Ms. Hammer raises the common fallacy shared by all the firearm fanatics: that having guns somehow makes you safer. Once again, because she’s so dense, I’ll explain it: this action has nothing to do with toilet paper — or with employees’ lives. It’s a simple matter of federal law pre-empting state law — nothing more. And, Ms. Hammer, if you think having a gun locked up in your car somehow protects you when you’re at work, well, you’re even dumber than you already appear.

Georgia Pacific joins Disney and Universal Studios, who claim exemptions based on an explosives permit and a public school, respectively, in telling the wingnut Florida Legislature to fuck off. And pretty soon, when the law is declared unconstitutional, we won’t have to listen to the gun-nut idiots at all … at least about the Stupidest Law on Earth.

In the meantime, though, Marion Hammer, you can crow about your latest honor, because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: John McCain

Of course, the mainstream corporate media will continue to tell you that it’s the Democrats who are in shambles/disarray/trouble, but looky here at the Republicans! Seems that ol’ Huggy Bear might face a bit of mutiny at the Republican National Convention this September:

McCain has not yet signaled the changes he plans to make in the GOP platform, but many conservatives say they fear wholesale revisions could emerge as candidate McCain seeks to put his stamp on a document that currently reflects the policies and principles of President Bush.

“There is just no way that you can avoid anticipating what is going to come. Everyone is aware that McCain is different on these issues,” said Jessica Echard, executive director of the conservative Eagle Forum. “We’re all kind of waiting with anticipation because we just don’t know how he’s going to thread this needle.”

McCain has spent the past year and a half trying to straddle the philosophical schism in the modern Republican Party. In primaries, he stressed his conservative credentials, but since clinching the nomination he has often reminded voters of his more moderate stances while professing his fealty to conservative positions.

A platform fight at the convention could disrupt that carefully choreographed effort by highlighting the stark differences in vision for the party separating McCain from some of the GOP’s most dedicated activists.

The battle may not be avoidable. The current GOP platform is a 100-page document, and all but nine pages mention Bush’s name. Virtually the entire platform will have to be rewritten to lessen the imprint of the president, who has the highest disapproval rating of any White House occupant since Richard M. Nixon.

It’s hilarious how both Huggy Bear and the Party itself are racing each other to shed the destructive, pathetic legacy of Drunky McStagger, yet both of them also embrace his failed policies almost in their entirety. And yet Huggy, not being “conservative” enough for the right-wing extremists who still hold sway in the GOP (evidently he’s still plenty warmongering and torturing enough, though), is going to confront a lot of distaste in St. Paul, and not just from the protesters outside the Excel Center.

The crazed wingnuts are especially up in arms about Huggy’s positions on global climate change, immigration, and stem cell research. As usual, they’d rather kill brown people and protect embryos until birth (but only until then — after that you’re on your own) than support their party’s candidate. Who’s in disarray again?

Geez, Huggy, can’t a failed fighter pilot and Communist appeaser get any electoral love from his own party these days? Well, you can comfort yourself with your wife’s big hair (Jeebus, I thought that was Dolly Parton there for a minute), her bigger bank account, and the knowledge that today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: gun nut Republicans in the Florida legislature

Forget about Take Your Child to Work Day. How about a Take Your Gun to Work Law?

Unbeknownst to many Floridians, I imagine, let alone people outside America’s Wang™, a new law went into effect on July 1 that allows citizens to bring guns to their workplace. Yes, in a state renowned for asinine legislation, this may take the cake as the Stupidest Law Ever.

Essentially, the law states that as long as you have a valid permit, you can take your gun to your workplace, no questions asked.

Under the new law, businesses cannot prohibit employees or customers from keeping a legally owned gun locked inside their cars, as long as the owner has a permit to carry a concealed weapon.

Guns will still be off limits at some sites: schools, prisons, nuclear power plants, military facilities and buildings that store explosives.

So, in a society where workplace shootings happen on a disturbingly regular basis (for example, anyone remember six dead in Henderson, Ky., a couple of weeks ago?), Florida irresponsibly thinks that bringing guns to work will help, rather than exacerbate, the situation. Supporters of the law think that psychos like the dude in Henderson will be deterred by the concern that, while he’s inside killing people, someone will be able to run out to their car, retrieve their weapon, and save the day. Of course, said Henderson dude was suicidal and obviously didn’t give a shit about his own safety, which, um, significantly lowers the alleged deterrent factor of having guns out in the parking lot … but, you know, Right to Bear Arms! and NRA! and God Bless America! and shit. But I digress …

Anyway, if you notice, I emphasized “buildings that store explosives” in the excerpt above. You see, the psycho wingnuts in the Florida legislature are beside themselves for having expanded the exceptions to any business that holds a federal explosives license. That can include fireworks, and so that can include the massive Walt Disney World complex. In the words of Nelson Muntz (left), “Ha ha!” (Hmmm … maybe the Daily Schadenfreude has a new logo …)

The giant resort has declared that much of its sprawling property is exempt from a new state law that allows Floridians with concealed-weapons permits to keep firearms locked in their cars at work.

Disney, which has 60,000 employees and a long-standing policy against allowing guns on its land, cites an arcane — and late-added — loophole in the new law, which took effect Tuesday.

The company’s position stunned backers of the new law, who said Wednesday that they never intended to exempt Florida’s largest single-site employer.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said state Sen. Durell Peaden, a Panhandle Republican and one of the authors of the bill.

[…]

The NRA reacted quickly.

The organization issued an alert Wednesday to members under the heading, “Disney Thumbing Nose at the New Florida Gun Law,” accusing Disney of being a “prime offender when it comes to firing employees for exercising Second Amendment rights.”

Disney cites language within Florida’s newly enacted “Preservation and Protection of the Right to Keep and Bear Arms in Motor Vehicles Act of 2008” that creates an exception for companies whose primary business is to manufacture, use, store or transport explosives regulated under federal law.

“I intended it to exempt places like defense plants, Air Force bases, things like that,” said Peaden, who sponsored the bill in the Senate. “But not Disney. Not at all.”

But on the same day that the House took its final vote on the gun bill, the exemption for explosives companies was revised so that it also includes “property owned or leased by an employer who has obtained a permit” under federal law for such explosives.

Disney has such a permit, for the extensive fireworks used in its theme parks.

State Rep. Stan Mayfield, a Vero Beach Republican also involved in crafting the final legislation, said lawmakers had agreed to insert that exception at the request of a small group of lawyers representing several businesses and business groups — including Disney.

But Mayfield said nobody ever intended for the language to spare so much of the Disney resort, which covers about 30,000 acres.

“I don’t think anybody that voted for that bill expected Disney to be exempt,” Mayfield said.

Oh, this is great! Peaden and Mayfield, the wingnut gun nuts themselves, are shocked — SHOCKED — that someone is using dirty Republican tricks (loopholes, interpretations of laws, deranged readings of the Second Amendment*) to skirt their idiotic idea to let folks strut around with their Big Guns (and Small Dicks) so that they can feel like they’re defending themselves against … something. (Terror? Liberal wackos? Mean people? The boogeyman?)

You know what, Durell and Stan? You got snookered. Plain and simple. And pretty soon, your ridiculous little law will be overturned in the courts and you’ll have nothing … except your own guns to make you feel adequate and sexually powerful. Because, when it comes right down to it, you gun nuts are all the same — you’re really just trying to compensate for, um, shortcomings in other areas.

But there’s one good thing about this: there’s new evidence showing that you can be sexually powerful now without guns, but with the recognition of one sucky left-wing blog … because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

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* Yes, I know the Supreme Court just ruled that the Second Amendment protects individual gun ownership rights. But I also know that the majority in that decision is made up primarily of extreme right-wing assholes.

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: American Family Association

This one makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t mean just “LOL,” either. I mean I’m almost literally laughing my ass off.

The rocket scientists who run the American Family Association’s (AFA) website apparently set their news stories up to automatically replace words they don’t like from AP and other feeds — words like, well, “gay.” This can lead to predictable hilarity:

In addition to blocking traffic from websites they don’t like, it looks like the web-geniuses behind the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow site have a few other tricks up their sleeves, such as automatically replacing any use of the word “gay” with the word “homosexual” in any of the AP stories they run … leading to instances in which proper names are reformatted to meet their ridiculous standard, such as this article about sprinter Tyson Gay winning the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials in which he is renamed “Tyson Homosexual”:

Jesus H. Christ with a feather boa and hoop earrings, that’s funny. I mean, maybe it’s not so funny if you’re Tyson Gay, or hoopster Rudy Gay, but it serves those right-wing fundie fucktards right if their website is a laughingstock. They either need to get with the 21st Century or keep their proselytizing crap to themselves.

Anyway, all you batshit crazy losers at the AFA now can console yourselves with one positive bit of recognition for your depravity, because today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

(h/t trifecta)

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Jim Naugle

It’s been a while since we’ve talked about Fort Lauderdale’s batshit crazy, virulently anti-gay, intolerant assface mayor, Jim Naugle.

Even though he’s term-limited and, fortunately for the city, can’t run again for mayor, Naugle must be crapping himself (figuratively, one hopes) at the prospect of a gay mayor. But that has become a distinct possibility, with the reported entry in the race by Fort Lauderdale’s first and only openly gay city commissioner.

Dean Trantalis confirmed that he will run for mayor in the March 2009 election. Trantalis had been vague about his political intentions earlier this week, although a board member of the gay political group Dolphin Democrats said Trantalis told him he planned to run for mayor.

Trantalis served on the City Commission between 2003 and 2006. He decided not to run for a second term, citing dysfunction on the commission and the need to spend more time at his law practice.

Trantalis’ entry into the race has not drawn cheers from all gay political leaders because some had already agreed to support City Commissioner Cindi Hutchinson, an ally of the gay community. Michael Albetta, a Dolphin Democrats board member, and Stephen Gaskill, a gay political consultant, have already pledged to support Hutchinson.

The Dolphin Democrats as an organization doesn’t endorse candidates, but their board members have political clout in the community.

Both Hutchinson and Trantalis publicly criticized Mayor Jim Naugle last year when he angered the gay community by making comments about gay sex in park bathrooms.

Oh, poor Jim. How will he ever carry on his campaign of hate and bigotry if he’s not mayor anymore? Ooh, I know: maybe Fox News can hire him as a commentator! He’d fit in perfectly with their latest hire, Mike Huckabee.

Don’t worry, Jimbo. Sure, you might have to attend the swearing-in of a dirty, nasty, gay successor, but at least you’ll always have the honor of being a five-time winner here … because, for a fifth time, today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: this dude who sent me an e-mail

I love getting angry, pointless e-mail from angry, pointless wingnuts. It keeps me in fighting shape.

However tempted I am to share the writer’s real name, though, I instead will choose to shield his identity out of pity. No one this ignorant needs to be outed. Besides, you might just find him on a different website someday.

No, strike that. He wouldn’t be with a hot chick.

Anyway, here’s the e-mail I received today from someone upset with me about my Daily Schadenfreude award to Robert Linger of Tampa’s FOX 13 News:

You are obviously just another paranoid angry liberal where the FOX brand is concerned. WTVT FOX 13, while owned by Newscorp, has nothing to with the business of the FOX News Channel. They are separate entities entirely. Of course a liberal elitist like you conveniently paints everything FOX with one brush. The one and only reason Mr. Linger should earn your award is because he is in a high profile position, has a family and he blindly ignored each in his quest for instant gratification. Unfortunate for him it has most likely earned him a lifetime of humiliation. I think its time to give yourself a Daily Schadenfreude.

A question for my correspondent: How many times did I state, insinuate, indicate, or suggest in that earlier post that FOX 13 is part of or connected to Fox News? ZERO? Yeah, that’s what I thought, moron. Look, I’ll be the first one to laugh at myself when I make a mistake — and I make plenty of them, I assure you. But today, the only derision I’m enjoying is aimed squarely at you, a classic deluded right-wing windbag.

Wingnuts, sadly, tend to come up significantly short in the area of reading comprehension, as I’ve learned over my time as a DFH blogger. At the risk of redundantly stating the obvious, for my addle-brained correspondent, I never said FOX 13 was part of FOX News Channel (FNC). I did, however, point out accurately that it is a FOX station, and as you helpfully pointed out yourself, it, like the FOX Network and its subsidiaries, is owned by Rupert Murdoch’s Newscorp.

Sure, I know as well as you do that FNC is a propaganda factory for the right wing in America, and its use of “News” in its name is misleading at best. But the real power behind the right-wing noise machine that is FOX is, of course, Murdoch himself and the sycophantic, mouth-breathing minions who worship him and his twisted world view. Everything Murdoch touches, from FNC to his individual stations in markets around the country, ultimately is intended to spew venom, hate, and right-wing talking points, usually directed (like my correspondent’s e-mail) at so-called “liberal elitists.” (As Jon Stewart once asked, “Doesn’t ‘elite’ mean ‘good?’ ” Besides, few people are more elite than, say, Huggy Bear or nearly any member of the Bush crime syndicate. I always laugh at the “elitist” tag …)

So if you actually were capable of reading, dear correspondent, you’d understand that my criticism isn’t of FNC alone … it’s of the entire FOX broadcasting cartel. Hell, if it weren’t for sports, I don’t think I’d ever watch anything FOX-related, just because I hate the idea of helping to feed advertising dollars into the gaping maw of the lying scum who own, operate, and populate FOX properties. At any rate, Mr. Linger is a FOX (read: Newscorp) employee, and therefore it’s entirely appropriate to point and laugh at his (and FOX’s) misfortune.

Speaking of pointing and laughing, thanks for allowing us to point and laugh at you, Mr. Correspondent … because for your lame attempts at literary criticism and your stereotypical Republican lack of reading comprehension, today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!