Bonus schadenfreude: Sen. Asshole (R-Alaska) is indicted

Pity I already used up my Daily Schadenfreude award for today. Because this one beats almost any schadenfreude I’ve ever featured on this sucky blog.

The Biggest Asshole in Congress™, Sen. Ted Stevens (right), was indicted today on seven counts of fraud, federal charges related to renovations of his Alaska home. This comes two days shy of one year after federal agents raided his home as the investigation into Stevens’ alleged wrongdoing got underway.

The Justice Department announced the charges at a news conference Tuesday afternoon. The document says that, from the spring of 1999 through the late summer of 2007, Mr. Stevens failed to report “things of value” that he received in connection with his home in the ski resort city of Girdwood, about 40 miles south of Anchorage.

Prosecutors say Mr. Stevens, who referred to his home as “the chalet,” accepted goods and services worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, ranging from an outdoor grill to extensive home remodeling and architectural advice. Not only did Mr. Stevens fail to report the items on his Senate financial disclosure form, as required, but he took active steps to conceal the receipt of the goods and services, the indictment says.

All the charges are felonies. Justice Department officials declined to discuss how long a prison term a conviction on the charges might bring, noting that the maximum sentences allowed by law are rarely imposed. Mr. Stevens was in Washington on Tuesday, and was allowed to turn himself in for paperwork processing.

Geez, another Republican engaging in criminal activity? No one could have predicted that …

But seeing Sen. Stevens ruined is sweet schadenfreude indeed. I don’t say this just because I love to laugh at the misfortunes of Republicans generally — no, you see, I am elated because Sen. Stevens is truly a despicable human being, someone whom I’ve personally met and found to be totally abhorrent and unpleasant in every way.

So, see? — sometimes bad things really do happen to bad people … and this one is well-deserved, indeed.

Clinton-motivated vandalism or GOP dirty trick?

Hoo boy. Either way, this sucks. A bevy of city-owned cars in Orlando were vandalized with anti-Obama and anti-Huggy Bear messages, and the perps claim to be Hillary Clinton supporters.

Police said they responded to the public parking lot at 401 S. Orange Ave. at 4:30 p.m. and found 24 spray-painted vehicles, including 23 that were owned by the city. Three of the cars had some type of politically motivated message painted on them, said Orlando Police Department Sgt. Barb Jones. Initial media reports of 60 vehicles were incorrect, Jones said.

According to pictures from the scene, the vandals tagged notes such as “Obama smokes crack.” They left business card-sized notes that disparaged Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama on one side, while supporting Sen. Hillary Clinton on the other.

If it really was Hillary supporters who did this, it’s not only disgraceful, it’s just plain sad. If it’s Republicans, they’re just idiots who thought they could create controversy where there isn’t — or shouldn’t be — any.

Of course, it might be a third option: kids out to be mischievous. They wrote other slogans like “Legalize Marijuana/Stop Building Prisons,” “Ladies I’m Single Some Girl Step Up” and “How About Them Gators.” That sure looks like kids to me.

Then again, the poor grammar does evoke a certain right-of-center attitude …

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.)

Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) was indicted today on numerous charges related to two alleged criminal conspiracies involving business dealings. Couldn’t happen to a nicer more deserving guy:

If convicted, Renzi, 49, could be sentenced to up to 20 years in prison on the most serious counts, plus fines of $250,000.

[…]

According to court papers, the congressman was a central figure in two, separate criminal conspiracies. In one, he is accused of manipulating a federal land exchange to financially benefit himself and [Texas real estate investor James W.] Sandlin, a former business partner who owed him money. In the other, he allegedly looted cash from his insurance company’s trust fund to help finance his first election campaign, then attempted a cover-up with Beardall’s assistance.

[U.S. Attorney for Arizona Diane] Humetewa said the allegations suggest that Renzi “betrayed the trust of the citizens of Arizona” by misusing his public office.

[…]

Allegations about the land-exchange deal involve a labyrinth of business transactions between Renzi and his former partner, Sandlin. According to the indictment, the two men acquired real estate together in Kingman. In 2003, court papers say, Sandlin bought out Renzi’s interest for $1 million, paying $200,000 down and signing a promissory note for the remaining $800,000.

Two years later, at a time when Sandlin still owed $700,000, Renzi attempted to manipulate a federal land exchange by forcing participants to include property owned by Sandlin, the indictment says. In his official capacity as a congressman, the indictment adds, Renzi told representatives from two different companies that he would not support the transactions unless Sandlin’s land was included.

In addition to extortion, Renzi is accused of concealing Sandlin’s debt to him from Congress and failing to include it in financial disclosure statements. Renzi and Sandlin also are charged with money-laundering in connection with the use of funds obtained through criminal conduct.

The indictment involving Renzi’s family business stems from efforts to finance his election campaign in 2001 and 2002. According to the indictment, Renzi embezzled more than $400,000 in insurance premiums from a trust at Patriot Insurance Agency Inc. in Santa Cruz County. He and [Maryland attorney James] Beardall are accused of making false statements to authorities and committing fraud in an attempt to conceal the theft.

Hoo boy, ol’ Ricky was busy, wasn’t he? Hard to believe he had time for canoodling with one of America’s Wang™’s own.

What? You don’t remember who Renzi’s BFF was for a while in Congress? Here, let me refresh your memory:

Poor Krazy Kitty … here she is, all set to be portrayed in a major motion picture, and her erstwhile boytoy might have to watch it from prison. My heart breaks for her … but my heart also congratulates Rick Renzi: you can take solace in the fact that today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude once again is for you!

BC Bowl replacement post: The Mystery of the Stolen Meat

Well, live and learn. I had a tough blog day yesterday.

My post about the Colorado Rockies was met with quite the attack over at Daily Kos, where I cross-posted it. I hardly ever go there anymore, and every time I do, I’m reminded why I bailed out of there in the first place. Plus, in my Batshit Crazy Bowl entry yesterday about the trailer park for sex offenders, I failed to take into account the strength of pro-sex-offender* sentiment among my readers. I just thought it was a funny story. So, consider me chastened.

Therefore, I’ve withdrawn the trailer park post and in its place, I would like to offer up this bit of Florida weirdness:

Monday, [a tractor-trailer] was stolen from a parking lot used by truckers in Crystal Springs, just north of the Hillsborough County line. The thieves took [a nearby Peterbilt truck] and attached it to a refrigerated trailer full of 40,000 pounds of frozen rib eye and brisket, valued at more than $200,000.

Then they drove away.

[…]

The meat belonged to Cargill, an international food provider, and was being transported by Fairly Green Transport from a plant in Kansas to warehouses in Florida, said Don Armstrong, the transport company owner.

The meat wasn’t due until Monday, Armstrong said, and during the weekend the driver he hired parked the trailer at the Crystal Springs lot and left it unattended overnight.

According to deputies, the driver and others at the lot tried to hide the trailer from anyone traveling on the road before they left. But Sunday night or Monday morning, someone came onto the lot, broke into Tyler’s truck, attached the meat-filled trailer and took off.

How can you have any pudding when you don’t eat your meat?!

Anyway, the truck also happened to have sentimental value, so I’ll probably hear from truckers and vegetarians about how inappropriate this post is … but there’s your substitute entry for the Batshit Crazy Bowl.

If anyone sees my missing blogger mojo anywhere, please contact me immediately …

---

* Just being snarky … 🙂

When trolls attack

Apparently some wingnut blogger got out of Mommy’s basement:

Patrick Hamman, 22, of 4904 S.W. 13th St., was arrested Sunday on a charge of domestic assault. Officers explained that the victim of the snack attack, Michael Hamman, lives with his adult son, Patrick and that they became involved in an argument Sunday night.

Patrick Hammon picked up a bag of Cheetos and threw it at his father, hitting him in the face, police said. It hit him in the glasses, causing a cut to the bridge of Michael Hamman’s nose.

The police report said: “Michael’s T-shirt was also covered in Cheeto dust.”

Patrick admitted being high on methamphetamine, police said. He was taken to the Polk County Jail without further incident.

Coincidentally, “Toby Petzold” was unavailable for comment.

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: the Bush crime syndicate

It’s just not a good day to be Drunky McStagger, is it? You’re in Prague, one of the world’s most beautiful and scenic cities, but back in the U.S. of A., everything’s going to shit. And you know it — your face shows it.

First, two war crimes trials at Guantanamo — the only such trials underway at present — are dismissed because the defendants were classified as “enemy combatants,” not “unlawful enemy combatants” as required by the law authorizing such trials.

In both of Monday’s cases, the judges ruled that the new legislation says only “unlawful enemy combatants” can be tried by the military trials, known as commissions. But Khadr and Hamdan previously had been identified by military panels here only as enemy combatants, lacking the critical “unlawful” designation.

“The fundamental problem is that the law was not carefully written,” said Madeline Morris, a Duke University law professor. “It was rushed through in a flurry of political pressure from the White House … and it is quite riddled with internal contradictions and anomalies.”

Prosecuting attorneys in both cases indicated they would appeal the dismissals. But the court designated to hear the appeals – known as the court of military commissions review – doesn’t even exist yet, said Marine Col. Dwight Sullivan, chief of military defense attorneys at Guantanamo Bay.

[…]

The distinction between classifications of enemy combatants is important because if they were “lawful,” they would be entitled to prisoner of war status under the Geneva Conventions.

Oooh, Drunky, that’s gotta hurt. I’ll bet your gang left the word “unlawful” off of most of the declarations, didn’t they? Whoops.

Meanwhile, in Washington, Dick “Dick” Cheney’s BFF Lewis “Scooter” Libby (himself a past recipient of the Daily Schadenfreude award) got 2½ years in prison for lying about the Valerie Plame leak and obstructing the investigation. Now, Drunky, do you pardon Libby and essentially admit that your crime syndicate was complicit in the leak, or do you piss off your base and ignore him the way you’ve ignored New Orleans and the soldiers you’ve sent to die? Mmmm, tough choice there, Hobson. (Look it up.)

And then the icing on the cake: more hearings about the U.S. attorneys firings. Up today is Bradley Schlozman, a political appointee in the Executive Office of U.S Attorneys who “repeatedly inquired about applicants’ political affiliations” when he worked in the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division. You have enough popcorn there, Drunky?

Part of me wanted to give Drunky the DS award all by himself, for the second straight day. But I think there are more dry mouths and tightened sphincters among the “administration” than just Drunky’s. So, congratulations to the entire Bush crime syndicate — today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Virginia Tech

The horrifying news from Virginia Tech today has hit close to home. I believe my stepniece is a student there, but I can’t reach anyone for news and I don’t want to call her mother for fear of unnecessarily upsetting or worrying her. I also know several people who work there or who have worked there over the years.

Here’s a link for free live video on MSNBC, for as long as it lasts.

And here’s the statement from Virginia Tech’s president, Charles Steger:

BLACKSBURG, Va., April 16, 2007

The university was struck today with a tragedy of monumental proportions. There were two shootings on campus. In each case, there were fatalities. The university is shocked and horrified that this would befall our campus. I want to extend my deepest, sincerest and most profound sympathies to the families of these victims which include students There are 22 confirmed deaths.

We currently are in the process of notifying families of victims. The Virginia Tech Police are being assisted by numerous other jurisdictions. Crime scenes are being investigated by the FBI, University Police, and State Police. We continue to work to identify the victims impacted by this tragedy. I cannot begin to covey my own personal sense of loss over this senselessness of such an incomprehensible and heinous act The university will immediately set up counseling centers. So far centers have been identified in Ambler Johnston and the Cook Counseling Center to work with our campus community and families.

Here are some of the facts we know:

At about 7:15 a.m. this morning a 911 call came to the University Police Department concerning an event in West Ambler Johnston Hall. There were multiple shooting victims. While in the process of investigating, about two hours later the university received reports of a shooting in Norris Hall. The police immediately responded. Victims have been transported to various hospitals in the immediate area in the region to receive emergency treatment.

We will proceed to contact the families of victims as identities are available.

All classes are cancelled and the university is closed for the remainder of today. The university will open Tuesday at 8 a.m. but classes are cancelled. The police are currently staging the release of people from campus buildings.

Families wishing to reunite with the students are suggested to meet at the Inn at Virginia Tech. We are making plans for a convocation tomorrow (Tuesday) at noon at Cassell Coliseum for the university community to come together to begin to deal with the tragedy.

This hits home in a less personal but nevertheless still profound way: I work at a university, and it’s not impossible to imagine a similar tragedy occurring here. Security is relatively lax and anyone can walk into pretty much any building (save perhaps dorms) during working hours at least. It’s very sobering and, to be honest, upsetting.

My thoughts are with the families and friends of the victims, and I will continue to try to learn about the status of my stepniece.

UPDATE (4:21 pm 4/17/07): My stepniece is okay and safe.

Boynton Beach pants thief strikes again

Fortunately, being in Indiana at the moment, I have an alibi … but the Boynton Beach Pants Thief has stolen another pair of pants at gunpoint.

This time, it was a pair of Enyce blue jeans. What’s most distressing is that this is the fourth such incident.

Police said they do not yet know if this incident is related to three other violent pants robberies that occurred between October and mid-November between Seacrest Boulevard and Ninth Avenue.

I guess I’d better keep my pants on … and, just in case, make sure I always have on clean boxers.