Juxtaposition

Two stories on the front page of the Palm Beach Post today about members of Congress and some recent, um, irregularities in their conduct. One is about a Democrat and the other is about a Republican. See if you can tell the difference between the two.

First, the Democrat:

Acknowledging that accusations that he doesn’t really live in Florida are raising “concerns” among his constituents, Democratic U.S. Rep. Robert Wexler said Tuesday that he will begin leasing an apartment in his congressional district rather than continue to claim residency at his in-laws’ home near Delray Beach.

Wexler made the announcement on the same day that his two challengers produced records showing Wexler received property tax breaks by declaring his house in Potomac, Md., a “primary residence” from 1999 to 2002. He also signed a loan document with his wife in 2005 describing the house as “my/our principal residence.”

Democratic U.S. Rep. Robert Wexler says he will lease an apartment in his congressional district rather than declaring residency at the home of his in-laws.

Wexler’s chief of staff, Eric Johnson, said Wexler mistakenly signed paperwork declaring the Maryland house his primary residence when he bought it in 1997 and corrected the error in 2003 when it was brought to his attention.

Johnson said the signature on the loan document was not the same as a legal declaration of residency but was an affirmation that Wexler would be living in the house “for a good majority of the time” rather than renting it out.

Even if Wexler called the Maryland home his primary residence, Johnson contended, he still would be a Florida resident. Johnson cited an 1879 Florida Supreme Court ruling that said a Gainesville man did not lose his Florida residency when “attending to the duties of a public office” in Washington.

And now the Republican (link is to original source, which the Post picked up):

Alaska’s Ted Stevens, the longest-serving Republican senator in U.S. history, was indicted yesterday on seven charges of making false statements about more than $250,000 that corporate executives doled out to overhaul his Anchorage area house.

A federal grand jury in the District accused Stevens of concealing on financial disclosure statements lucrative gifts from the now-defunct oil company Veco and its top executives, including a Viking gas grill, a tool cabinet and a wraparound deck. At one point, Veco employees and contractors jacked up the senator’s mountainside house on stilts and added a new first floor, with two bedrooms and a bathroom, the indictment says.

The senator, who once oversaw more than $900 billion in federal spending each year as chairman of the Appropriations Committee, said he has “temporarily relinquished” his senior posts on several committees, in accordance with Senate rules, while he focuses on the legal battle ahead.

Stevens, 84, the first sitting U.S. senator to face criminal charges in 15 years, adamantly denied the allegations in a statement yesterday afternoon.

Two points:

1. Will the people, especially local bloggers, bleating about how horrible Wexler’s situation is, kindly shut the fuck up?

2. Once again, Republicans outdo Democrats on the scale of criminality. Quite an honor to uphold, there, GOP.

Heckuva job, Teddy.

(There also was a front-page teaser about a story on a 15-year-old local golfer making great strides. I went to high school with the golfer’s father, who was two years behind me. I feel old.)

Bonus schadenfreude: Sen. Asshole (R-Alaska) is indicted

Pity I already used up my Daily Schadenfreude award for today. Because this one beats almost any schadenfreude I’ve ever featured on this sucky blog.

The Biggest Asshole in Congress™, Sen. Ted Stevens (right), was indicted today on seven counts of fraud, federal charges related to renovations of his Alaska home. This comes two days shy of one year after federal agents raided his home as the investigation into Stevens’ alleged wrongdoing got underway.

The Justice Department announced the charges at a news conference Tuesday afternoon. The document says that, from the spring of 1999 through the late summer of 2007, Mr. Stevens failed to report “things of value” that he received in connection with his home in the ski resort city of Girdwood, about 40 miles south of Anchorage.

Prosecutors say Mr. Stevens, who referred to his home as “the chalet,” accepted goods and services worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, ranging from an outdoor grill to extensive home remodeling and architectural advice. Not only did Mr. Stevens fail to report the items on his Senate financial disclosure form, as required, but he took active steps to conceal the receipt of the goods and services, the indictment says.

All the charges are felonies. Justice Department officials declined to discuss how long a prison term a conviction on the charges might bring, noting that the maximum sentences allowed by law are rarely imposed. Mr. Stevens was in Washington on Tuesday, and was allowed to turn himself in for paperwork processing.

Geez, another Republican engaging in criminal activity? No one could have predicted that …

But seeing Sen. Stevens ruined is sweet schadenfreude indeed. I don’t say this just because I love to laugh at the misfortunes of Republicans generally — no, you see, I am elated because Sen. Stevens is truly a despicable human being, someone whom I’ve personally met and found to be totally abhorrent and unpleasant in every way.

So, see? — sometimes bad things really do happen to bad people … and this one is well-deserved, indeed.

Did I just see Ted Stevens?

I’m at Dulles Airport awaiting my flight back to America’s Wang™, and while checking in, I swear I saw Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), the biggest asshole in Congress (believe me when I say this), checking in a few desks down from me. Now, I can’t be sure, and I couldn’t get close enough to see what the two lapel pins on his blazer were. (He also was wearing jeans — very Alaskan, I suppose …) There is a flight to San Francisco leaving about the same time as mine … possible connections?

Gotta board the flight.

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)

I’m smiling from ear to ear today. The Biggest Asshole in Washington™ (and that’s saying something) is in deep doo-doo:

Agents from the FBI and the Internal Revenue Service raided the Alaska home [left] of Sen. Ted Stevens (R) yesterday as part of a broad federal investigation of political corruption in the state that has also swept up his son and one of his closest financial backers, officials said.

Stevens, the longest-serving Republican senator in history, is under scrutiny from the Justice Department for his ties to an Alaska energy services company, Veco, whose chief executive pleaded guilty in early May to a bribery scheme involving state lawmakers.

[…]

This spring, Republicans and Democrats celebrated on the Senate floor when Stevens became the longest-serving Republican in the chamber’s history. He has said he plans to run in 2008 for another six-year term.

A few weeks after that celebration, one of Stevens’s closest political allies, Bill Allen, formerly the chief executive of Veco, pleaded guilty to bribing several members of the state legislature. One was an unidentified former state senator whose consulting payments cited in the plea agreement matched payments reported by Ben Stevens, a state lawmaker who is the senator’s son. He left the state Senate last year.

The Alaska investigation has centered on Allen’s efforts to bribe lawmakers by handing out wads of hundred-dollar bills in an effort to win favorable tax legislation in Alaska for a natural gas pipeline long sought by the energy industry and leaders of both political parties there.

I covered my personal feelings about Sen. Stevens when he last won the coveted Daily Schadenfreude award, so I’m just tickled blue about this latest development. What’s that they say about “power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely?” You think 39 years as a U.S. senator might appeal to the lesser virtues of a man with few virtues to begin with? So it would appear …

If Stevens is indicted (and convicted, presumably), I hope they have to take his besmirched name off of Anchorage International Airport. I’ve been to Anchorage once … but I’d gladly go back, even in the dead of winter, all the way from America’s Glans™, to witness the removal of the offending appellation from the facility once and for all.

So, Sen. Stevens, congratulations! Because now you’re finding out why karma is such a bitch, today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Today’s Daily Schadenfreude: Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)

I know, it’s weird to have a Florida-based blog writing about an Alaska senator (although the Republicans are doing their damnedest to make a connection … a love connection). But, having dealt with Sen. Stevens personally on several occasions back in the ’80s, I am taking great pleasure in watching him squirm now.

According to Josh Marshall over at TPM, Sen. Stevens may well be the crookedest senator of them all. And we’re only scratching the scandalous surface so far.

Still, when a guy like Sen. Stevens gets into a scandal on the order of the one he seems to be involved in we really need to jump right on it because there just can’t be that many senators as crooked as he seems to be.

As we noted yesterday, not only is the already-reported grand jury in Alaska now looking into Stevens’ shenanigans. There’s also another grand jury impanelled in DC also looking into Stevens’ dealings with Veco Corp. and specifically how the crooked oil services company (two of its execs, including its CEO, recently pleaded guilty to bribing public officials) managed to end up renovating Stevens’ home.

The second grand jury in DC, which has no connection to the Veco investigation save for Sen. Stevens, is the pretty sure sign that Stevens is in the colloquial if not the technical sense a target of the investigation.

In any case, common sense tells me that you don’t come up with an MO like that that led to the shady house renovation deal thirty-plus years into your senate career. And we’re already hearing tales of lots of other at least borderline scams by Alaska’s senior senator. Indeed, since we started reporting in earnest on the Stevens’ story quite a few Alaska readers have come out of the wood with more helpful details about Sen. Stevens.

Oh, boy, is this great!

See, I have personal reasons for my schadenfreude this time. When I taught in D.C., I had to (among other things) organize meetings with members of Congress. I met many of them in my two years there, probably about 30 senators and 40 or 50 members of the House. And not a single one of them was as big an asshole, or as unpleasant to deal with, as the (current) senior senator from Alaska.

About a year and a half ago, I finally completed my quest to visit all fifty states. Alaska was the last one. And as I exited the airport in Anchorage, I looked back and saw to my disgust that I’d just landed at Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport. Blecch.

At least when they frogmarch Ted off to join Scooter, he can look back on his legacy in transportation: an airport and a bridge to nowhere. And the progenitor of the intertubes, too …

In the meantime, congratulations to Ted Stevens … as the scandals continue to be uncovered, today’s Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Alaska congressman ♥s Florida money

Now, what do you suppose a congressman from Seward’s Folly is doing directing millions of dollars in federal earmarks to Florida? Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska) did just that. And you’ll never guess why:

There is nothing unusual about a congressman from Alaska secretly allocating $10 million for a Florida interchange or helping secure $81 million for a related project.

That’s what Rep. Don Young (R-AK) told the Anchorage Daily News in response to a New York Times story about his involvement in slipping Coconut Road in Fort Myers, Florida about $81 million. The extension of the road and the creation of an interchange is a boon for real estate developers in the area, several of whom are big Republican donors. One in particular, Daniel J. Aronoff, said he helped raise $40,000 for Young days before the $10 million earmark appeared because, as an Aronoff consultant explained: “We were looking for a lot of money.” Young was the chairman of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee at the time.

Okay, maybe you could guess why.

So, like all true Republics, Don Young, perhaps best known for his “Bridge to Nowhere 2: Electric Boogaloo” boondoggle, is a corrupt moneygrubber. However, he’s also an asshole:

When a Times reporter approached Young near the House floor about the Coconut Road story the congressman gave the journalist an obscene gesture, apparently declining to comment.

Yep, it’s the old “go fuck yourself” defense. That’s a winner every time.

When I taught in D.C. in the late 1980s, I found Sens. Ted Stevens and Frank Murkowski (both R-Alaska) to be the most odious, unpleasant, downright nasty members of Congress I ever encountered. It seems Alaska has made sending Republic assholes to Congress somewhat of a tradition.

Southwest Florida Republicans (who are legion over there) thank you, Rep. Young. They may not be able to vote for you, but by God, those dollars are just as good, right?